


why goro has a fat ass

by astralitte



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Humour, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralitte/pseuds/astralitte
Summary: On contrary to belief, Akechi Goro does not have a fat ass because he eats so many pancakes.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	why goro has a fat ass

**Author's Note:**

> Dear K and Maya, I'm sorry for inflicting ten minutes of terror in the both of you when I said "wait I can top this" after mentioning "Goro cycles so much that he builds up so much ass muscles. That's why he has a fat ass". I love you bros.

When 17-year-old Goro first saved up enough money to buy himself a bicycle, he was ecstatic. He'd always wanted to go to a gym to work out, to get a better body, but between the tasks Shido gave him, school, detective work, and being an unimportant celebrity, he simply didn't have the time. Running around the Metaverse was great for building his patience, but that was all that it did. After all, it wasn't the real world. It was just a cognitive one.

Now that Goro had a bicycle, his inability to train his body could change. He looked forward to cycling everywhere he went. He looked forward to building some bulky leg muscles that would surely also help him lift things better. And okay, Goro understood that his upper body might be a little out of proportion from only cycling, but that wasn't too bad. He thought that maybe he could start saving for weights next and train his arms at home. His arms’ll look fine. Anyway, it wasn’t like anyone would care.

So, Goro started his commute with his trusty white bicycle to every single place he could. Since he already didn’t sleep well at night, he made himself wake up earlier just so he could spend his mornings cycling to school. The serotonin from exercise might help, he thought, and it did. He certainly felt better about himself.

A week passed, then a month. His legs seemed to slim down further than what was he thought was possible. He shrugged it off, thinking that it might just be because his body was losing its remaining fats. Google had said that it could be the case.

(Google had also said that he should probably get more protein in his diet to gain muscles faster. Goro shrugged that search result off and continued to eat an apple once a day. Besides, his mother had once told him that an apple a day kept the doctor away and Goro really hated doctors after the first time he had received a vaccination as a child.)

Eventually, Goro resolved to stop checking out his legs in the mirror for progress. He didn't have time to keep looking at his own body. Now that Shido had decided to run in the elections next year, there was so much to do in the Metaverse and so little time for anything else.

Another two months passed, then three. Until one day, Goro found himself in front of a full length mirror in the midst of Shibuya.

His legs looked alright. They were a little bit bigger. Goro was a little disappointed that his leg muscles weren’t, what his classmates or social media could call, “thicc”. But it was still progress, so Goro smiled a little at that.

Then, Goro made to leave. But just as he turned to the side and was about to walk off, he noticed something different about himself.

His ass. His massive fucking ass. Dropping his briefcase, Goro started to slap his hands on his butt, emitting a high-pitched shriek that sounded far too much like a fox screaming. The crowd around him made a wide berth, shooting him odd looks. A few of them laughed to themselves in amusement, but, honestly, who would approach some weird teenager slapping his own ass in public?

(Later, Goro would be relieved that no one had thought to film it. For now, however, he would continue to freak out.)

Cradling his ass, what his hands found were not the soft globes that he thought he had been washing daily in his shower. They were... _firm_. Firm like those god damn display cushions in IKEA that he always hated. He stared intensely at his butt in panic. His hands involuntarily tightened their grip on his unquestionably huge, sturdy, thicc ass. Cycling wasn’t supposed to do this to him.

“What the fuck,” he screamed. The wide berth was gone. The crowd around him had dispersed. If Goro had looked, he would have seen people scampering away from him. But all he could do was stare at his hands in the mirror curved around his butt.

That night, Goro sobbed in the shower. Because in all his life, in all his dreams, the last thing Goro had expected from all the fun that he had from cycling around was to get a fat muscular ass.


End file.
